Lovely Mess

They say looks don't matter. But really, they play a big part in how you feel about yourself and the world around you. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, then it's gonna be harder to branch out and be who you feel like on the inside. But if you make your own style and be what you've been longing to be, then the world be will be your playground. Explore every inch and be beautiful. Feel beautiful. There are those times, as well, when you feel as dirty and gross as worms. Slimy, pink, disgusting worms. All you wanna do and put on a hat, sunglasses, and a trench coat, be inconspicuous in a crowd. In the world. Trying to hide your flaws in make-up or a scene haircut. Because showing your flaws, apparently, shows your vulnerability to accept how you were born and makes people think your fake. Sure, maybe this isn't everywhere this happens...but think back. Think back to that first day that you realized you were beginning to blossom. Your eyes began to shine brighter, your cheeks were plusher, your lips in a smile. And you listened to your heart oh so quietly, knowing your alive. Knowing blood is flowing through your veins and life is what you make it. That first day the cute boy at school looked at you longer. With glistening eyes and your heart starts to beat faster. Faster and faster until you thought it was gonna jump outta your chest. He walks closer and you begin to shake. So, by now your an earthquake with a heart about to explode and he's moving closer to you now. Breathing is not an option right now. He passes you, his shoulder briefly gliding past yours. "So Slick" you think...wondering if your in love. Knowing the deadly nature of it, you take a back glance and see him sucking face with a girl. HIS girl. Your whole body feels as though a brick house has been dropped on it. There's no place like home. There's no boy like him. There's no love like the first. Your hoping it's one of those movie moments...where the director yells cut and everyone goes out to lunch. No real love. Staged, scripted love. But no, it's real. So, you cry. Cry to release pain. Cry because that's what your heart is doing right now. Cry because every tear is each minute you loved him. And it's therapy to let them all go. And flashback!

~It's the summer before middle school. You and him are laying out on the bright green pastures, enjoying the burning sun and your burning passion. He whispers to you "I wish everyday was like this." His breath tickles you. Your reply "I know what you mean. Picnicking under this beautiful sky, feeling the wind hug you, and knowing that things are gonna be alright." She smiled at her own truth. It was gonna be alright. She turned her head ever so slowly and he was looking at her. His eyes, blue as the Atlantic, glazed into her soul like no one else ever had. He said with caution "Nature has a way of showing you what's beautiful in life. You have a girl, standing next to a tree for instance. This tree is so majestic and big. It's branches stretch from sea to shining sea" she remembered to look into his ocean eyes" and it's leaves were the most seductive shade of red, yellow, and brown. And you see them both together. You know your in love when the thing that takes your breath away is not the thing that provides it to you." Her mind swirled with his words. His meaning behind saying it. Her words were more shaky now. "So, you've found something more beautiful than life?" Her anxious hands clasped together in anticipation of his response. He looked more serious now. His eyes wondered to the sky for a brief second then met hers. "Maybe. I don't know yet. Is it weird if she's all I can think about?" His tone genuinely curious. She prepared her response. "What is it you can't stop thinking about about her?" He thought for a second and replied. "Everything. Her smile, her laugh, the way she walks, the way her eyes twinkle, how nervous she gets before big tests, and....everything about her gets me going." He looked away shyly, as though it was wrong of him to think those things. Finally, after a couple seconds, she stammered "Uh...Well, it means that the way you feel about her is more than platonic. You find the deepest parts of her attractive and admire them in a way that's more. More than most people. Let me ask you. Does your heart race every time you see her." she questioned. "Yes" Does your stomach fill with butterflies when she says your name?" "Every time." "How many times a day do you think about her?" "All day." She tried not to get her hopes up, because maybe it wasn't her. Maybe some other lucky girl stole his heart before she could try. He laughed, lightening the mood a bit. "So, what's the verdict doc?" he joked. She sat up, and he followed suit. She looked him dead in the eye and answered in a completely serious tone. "You are in love. Completely, utterly, and irreversibly in love." For a second, she thought he was going to run from her, considering him the deadly news she just told him. Instead of turning of white, which she thought he would, his face glowed brighter than the sun. He looked like an angel. He looked happy. "Thank you," he confessed to her, "for showing me the light." Her face was calm as she confessed, "I'll always be here if you end up in the dark."~

End Act 3. So, really, that never happened to me. And probably never will. But we learned a little something. Boy friends girl. Girl falls for boys charm. Boy leads girl on. Girl is unaware. Boy leaves her for his love. Girl is heartbroken. Girl takes it out on herself. Boy is unaware. Boy and girl never see each other again. Happy? I think not.