There's this thing I do. I always seem to find something horrible about every situation, when it's not a bad situation to start with. Oh god. This could possibly be a problem. Maybe, at my graduation, It'll be that everyone'll turn into zombies and rampage innocent families and shit. Ha. Only in my wildest dreams. Speaking of, I had one last night that a blonde named Kate or something is gonna die by a lake. Hope that never happens.

Its hard to breathe in the Boston air when some beside you in smoking in your face.

I looked away, and the sun was gone....vanished. All that was left was the firery remains on the once white clouds.

I always imagined watching the sunset with someone I love. Not alone.

I just had ice cream in 60 degree weather wearing shorts. I love Boston.

So, i'm sitting here, getting all my texts in. I am so ready to leave 97 degree weather. Making last minute phone calls and eating quick n' easy foods....I should fly more often!

"I Will Stay Alive" played in the bckground while my brother walked, in tears to fill his cavity. He will survive.

Ruffles and Butterflies.

You promised me the sun. All I got was a black hole. You promised me the wind. I got blown over. You promised me the stars. My night has never been darker. You said no more tears. But here they spill.

They say looks don't matter. But really, they play a big part in how you feel about yourself and the world around you. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, then it's gonna be harder to branch out and be who you feel like on the inside. But if you make your own style and be what you've been longing to be, then the world be will be your playground. Explore every inch and be beautiful. Feel beautiful. There are those times, as well, when you feel as dirty and gross as worms. Slimy, pink, disgusting worms. All you wanna do and put on a hat, sunglasses, and a trench coat, be inconspicuous in a crowd. In the world. Trying to hide your flaws in make-up or a scene haircut. Because showing your flaws, apparently, shows your vulnerability to accept how you were born and makes people think your fake. Sure, maybe this isn't everywhere this happens...but think back. Think back to that first day that you realized you were beginning to blossom. Your eyes began to shine brighter, your cheeks were plusher, your lips in a smile. And you listened to your heart oh so quietly, knowing your alive. Knowing blood is flowing through your veins and life is what you make it. That first day the cute boy at school looked at you longer. With glistening eyes and your heart starts to beat faster. Faster and faster until you thought it was gonna jump outta your chest. He walks closer and you begin to shake. So, by now your an earthquake with a heart about to explode and he's moving closer to you now. Breathing is not an option right now. He passes you, his shoulder briefly gliding past yours. "So Slick" you think...wondering if your in love. Knowing the deadly nature of it, you take a back glance and see him sucking face with a girl. HIS girl. Your whole body feels as though a brick house has been dropped on it. There's no place like home. There's no boy like him. There's no love like the first. Your hoping it's one of those movie moments...where the director yells cut and everyone goes out to lunch. No real love. Staged, scripted love. But no, it's real. So, you cry. Cry to release pain. Cry because that's what your heart is doing right now. Cry because every tear is each minute you loved him. And it's therapy to let them all go. And flashback!

~It's the summer before middle school. You and him are laying out on the bright green pastures, enjoying the burning sun and your burning passion. He whispers to you "I wish everyday was like this." His breath tickles you. Your reply "I know what you mean. Picnicking under this beautiful sky, feeling the wind hug you, and knowing that things are gonna be alright." She smiled at her own truth. It was gonna be alright. She turned her head ever so slowly and he was looking at her. His eyes, blue as the Atlantic, glazed into her soul like no one else ever had. He said with caution "Nature has a way of showing you what's beautiful in life. You have a girl, standing next to a tree for instance. This tree is so majestic and big. It's branches stretch from sea to shining sea" she remembered to look into his ocean eyes" and it's leaves were the most seductive shade of red, yellow, and brown. And you see them both together. You know your in love when the thing that takes your breath away is not the thing that provides it to you." Her mind swirled with his words. His meaning behind saying it. Her words were more shaky now. "So, you've found something more beautiful than life?" Her anxious hands clasped together in anticipation of his response. He looked more serious now. His eyes wondered to the sky for a brief second then met hers. "Maybe. I don't know yet. Is it weird if she's all I can think about?" His tone genuinely curious. She prepared her response. "What is it you can't stop thinking about about her?" He thought for a second and replied. "Everything. Her smile, her laugh, the way she walks, the way her eyes twinkle, how nervous she gets before big tests, and....everything about her gets me going." He looked away shyly, as though it was wrong of him to think those things. Finally, after a couple seconds, she stammered "Uh...Well, it means that the way you feel about her is more than platonic. You find the deepest parts of her attractive and admire them in a way that's more. More than most people. Let me ask you. Does your heart race every time you see her." she questioned. "Yes" Does your stomach fill with butterflies when she says your name?" "Every time." "How many times a day do you think about her?" "All day." She tried not to get her hopes up, because maybe it wasn't her. Maybe some other lucky girl stole his heart before she could try. He laughed, lightening the mood a bit. "So, what's the verdict doc?" he joked. She sat up, and he followed suit. She looked him dead in the eye and answered in a completely serious tone. "You are in love. Completely, utterly, and irreversibly in love." For a second, she thought he was going to run from her, considering him the deadly news she just told him. Instead of turning of white, which she thought he would, his face glowed brighter than the sun. He looked like an angel. He looked happy. "Thank you," he confessed to her, "for showing me the light." Her face was calm as she confessed, "I'll always be here if you end up in the dark."~

End Act 3. So, really, that never happened to me. And probably never will. But we learned a little something. Boy friends girl. Girl falls for boys charm. Boy leads girl on. Girl is unaware. Boy leaves her for his love. Girl is heartbroken. Girl takes it out on herself. Boy is unaware. Boy and girl never see each other again. Happy? I think not.

Theres a sense of dread in darkness. Until your eyes adjust, your vulnerable.

We live, strive, in a bubble. Like a machine, it works every second to keep up breathing, living, smiling. All we do is enjoy it. Our advances help it, and for that is it is grateful. And it has created then, us.

I am an Anhinga is a herd of Turtles.

Hotley crew. Summer is death.

Our elephants-
Stev7en (with a silent 7)
Bobihateemily(with a silent i hate emily)
George!(with a silent exclamation mark)

Today, i awoke with a smile :-) it was the last day of the new year. So, the memories have all been made, the pictures taken, the tests passed. The experiences made this year were, in my opinion, the most important than ever. We got a glimpse into the future. Out own little sneak peak of the feature presentation. Good news! We have the power to control it. Our outcome. Remember these years fondly. Have no regrets.

A single moment, a single memory...frozen in time. 8. The magic number. Everything we've accomplished, everything we've felt, made us strong. Here we come sophmore year!

We began as nothing. We are now something. Now, where are we going?

Math is the enemy. Lunch is the savior.

Can you feel safe in the hands of friends? Can friends stay long enough to....There it is. Can friends stay. It's a constant cycle of "who am i hanging out with this week" or "god, she is so annoying. I think i might dump her for someone better" A sick cycle of people who just use others because they crave entertainment. Crave laughter. Crave company. Nothing special. A "booty call" if you wish. It's not the quantity that counts, it's quality. What beauty you can find in a friend and is there more to her/him than what is shown to the clothed eye? Giving up is quitting, and quitting is hurting more than your heart.

He's Solid
You're Fractured

He's Hopeful
You're hopeless

He's always there
You're half there

He's Faithful
You're so not

He's giving
You're afraid to give

He's honest
You lie all the time

He's loving
You don't know how to love....


~Ellen Hopkins "Identical"

Lets see now...Do you ever get the feeling...that someone's using you? Just playing little mind games. You can't really call someone out for that, but what can you do? Sit around while you become another victim. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. Good heart. Sweet voice. But those eyes. Those deadly, intense eyes.....As they stare me down. I feel like some helpless little kid. Alone,...weak....vulnerable. And you know what?!?! Just because I can't express myself like others or give good advice, doesn't mean my word is crap! You what is crap, though....! Having people feel the need to taunt you and play with fragile emotion, just because they get a few kicks out of it! It's (excuse my french) fucking stupid and childish! And by letter!? Or Text! OR e-mail!?!? Puh-lease. Not worth anyone's time. And really, time is a precious thing. Waste it wisely.

Mind control #1

It's been getting easier these days, dealing with things (people). My mind has been occupied with rotten egg showers and stupid finals. So much to learn, so little brain power. Freaking overload. I've been looking at people real hard these days. It makes it harder to maybe be around them, but it helps me weed out the liars from the truths. Sadly, I've found some fakers and i don't know what to do. Nothing behind there eyes. No spark or anything. I could say that about a couple other things as well. I can not wait to go see "The Unborn". I hear it's hilarious, but scary. Kinda impossible, huh? Trying to get a bunch of people to come.Which reminds me, i have to do something that will probably backlash in my face. Peace.

MMIX

If you can guess where I'm heading, then your a smarty pants. Last year wasn't perfect, but it was memorable. I miss it dearly. I feel like a stranger in time. The glasses have all been clanked, the balls have been dropped, and the celebrations have been well done with. So what now? Wait 'till the next year I suppose. I am done with this.......